Tonight I broke two rules: I stayed up late on a work night and watched Law & Order SVU.
Anyone who knows me knows that I support anything bringing awareness to Domestic Violence. Tonight’s episode was about just that. The weird thing is that I just posted a blog about pop stars Rihanna and Chris Brown last week.
The plot was similar to their relationship. Two pop stars were entangled in an abusive relationship. Not only did I see some of Chris Brown and Rihanna, I watched a few chapters from my own life. In the show was a young lady who was very pretty, had a nice career, was disconnected from her family and really only depended on her abuser.
The guy was nice looking and a typical ladies man. He was famous and loaded with money. He was a charmer, a “wine and dine you” type of guy. He would send flowers and even gave a public apology about how he loved her and he was sorry. I think we’ve all heard that before.
The police had all the proof they needed but NO witness to help with the case. The girl wouldn’t press charges out of fear of what would happen with her career that was just taking off. They had a duet ready to be released. She wasn’t trying to miss that money. It reminded me of some of us who stay for financial security.
When he went to court the Judge placed a TPO to protect the young lady who was abused. No doubt about it. After his apology in front of America she invited him to her hotel room. Just as they were about to get it on, the police come busting in the door. The only reason he got caught was because she was Tweeting and the detectives saw the room.
There is a lack of trust victims and survivors have with police officers. Even though I am a survivor I have felt intimidated by police doing the investigation period. What they don’t seem to understand is chances are he has been yelling at you. At this point you don’t want another man in your face yelling.
Words hurt just like blows and we sure don’t want to hear the threats about felony charges being brought up against me. After all I am the victim right? So why are you yelling and putting pressure on me? Yes I realize you have a job to do. Let me collect my thoughts and get my head right. You yelling and threatening me doesn’t make me feel any safer.
Yes, I understand your level of frustration. How do you think I feel when he has a history of this and the judge keeps setting his bond low enough for him to get out. His history shows that someone is always bailing him out. Where is the stand for me? You let him out and yes I am going to let him back over. He said he was sorry and didn’t mean to do it. Your low bail made me believe you thought I wasn’t in any real danger.
You’ve seen my kind plenty of times in your years of practice. Chances are we have history together and God forbid we have children together. He will use whatever he can to make it my way. My emotions are all over the place and do I help him violate the TPO you placed?
I do maybe not because I wanted to, but I already know he is coming one way or the other. I don’t have a safe haven. He knows where all of my friends and family live. We were in love, he went to all the family functions with me. I am scared of putting others in danger. I allow him in to torment me whether it’s physically or sexually. Chances are he will find some way to seduce me, if that fails he will force himself on me. Now I am being raped by the man who abused me. That is the real pattern for most, of not all victims.
Where do we break the cycle? How do we build trust? When do we say enough is enough?
The sad ending to this SVU episode is he killed her manager who was like a Father to her. Her charming abuser was still working his hand, and took her on her a trip. His phone rang, she asked who it was, the coward in him raged up. She got tense because she knew what’s coming next it’s his pattern. Most abusers have a pattern. They find her body floating in the water on this beautiful resort.
According to statistics every 9 seconds a women is beaten. It’s time for us to take a stand and say enough is enough. We have to come together as one standing united on this issue. We can’t continue to stay divided and think we’re going to get results. It’s going to take survivors and law enforcement coming together with the ability to be open and honest. Then we can take the steps to forward.
Also if you’re reading this post please visit http://www.NoMore.org and help take a stand on Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse!
Peace, love and hugs to all.