Chad vs Evelyn

My celebrity crush for a long time was #85 for the Cincinnati Bengals!! Oh man Chad Ocho Cinco was dark just like I like them and not to mention the fact that he has a nice body!!! I love the Lord and thanked Him everything He has created (including him)!! I would watch every Bengals game just to cheer for Ocho!!

The day I heard of the news of his arrest I had mixed feelings. I heard what the reports said happened. I know personally how the news is known for editing and giving the world just enough to make eyebrows raise. I made the choice to keep my opinion to myself until now.
As a survivor of Domestic Violence I don’t like when people cry wolf about it. Domestic Violence should NOT be used as a tool to get a man to act right and a protection order should not be used to turn him in to a yes man for a woman.

I’m sure you’re wondering what I mean by that. If in fact you are being abused don’t use the police as a con to get your man to act right. You can’t say you can beat me but once you say what I don’t like I’m calling the police. You can’t let him beat you, check his phone and social media messages to find he’s cheating then call the police on him because you don’t like what you find.

You’re telling him you can beat me – just don’t cheat on me. You can’t use the system as a tool because you’re feelings are hurt. In most cases you’re going to get him out of jail or let him run up your phone bill with collect calls from jail.

You can’t make him your puppet with a TPO either. As long as he’s jumping you’re cool, as soon as he stops jumping you want to call the police after you’ve invited him over. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Why is all of this important for this blog?

As I watched some of the interview Evelyn did with Iyanla Vanzant it was a bit disturbing to me. During the interview Evelyn painted this picture of how she was getting groceries out of her truck and found a receipt. The receipt had a few items on it including condoms. Like most women her feelings were hurt and rightfully so.

This is her husband, a man which she took vows with, to love and cherish through sickness and health until death do them part. I know what it’s like to be cheated on by someone I was dating. I could only imagine what it’s like for a wife to find out her husband has been fooling around.

That’s the picture the media painted when this story hit the news. However while watching this interview Iyanla asked Evelyn, “did you tell him to use a condom?” She replied, “yes.” After she responded yes to the question how can you question a man about something you gave him permission to do? How do you get upset when you though it was ok to tell your husband, “if you get tempted use a condom?”

I’m confused and baffled by this. How do you give a man a permission slip to dibble and dabble with other women, then get upset when he cashes it in?

Everyone wanted to jump on Chad and say he was an awful monster. This man of anger and rage. I don’t watch Basketball Wives BUT according to Facebook and Twitter she wasn’t a Saint. She was ready to fight, hot-headed, easily upset and lacked self-control as well. So what makes either one of them any better than the other? How are we to say who was right and who was wrong?

How do we know she wasn’t aggressive and not the abuser? Oh, because she said publicly she’s leaving him? Well that means nothing to me. How do we know what the motive was with her leaveing? She had a decade-long relationship with Antoine Walker. That’s how she made it on Basketball Wives.

Does anyone wonder why they didn’t get married? One thing we knew about Chad he loved the ladies! She knew it too, that’s why she told him to, “use a condom if he felt tempted.”

When the story first broke I wanted to burn my Bengals jersey. I have NO respect for a man who hits on women. I think these men are cowards who lack self control. It’s been my experience they usually always get picked on by men. After watching this interview I was glad I didn’t burn my jersey. Something about that interview tells me it’s more to their marriage and more to the story than we will ever know.

Iyanla tried to reach out to Chad but he declined involvement. I don’t think that says he is guilty. He was wise enough to have enough respect for his private life. And smart enough to know the kind of picture they would have tried to paint of him.

Silence is often the best answer. My mother told me that in a few of my personal experiences and it was some of the best advice she ever gave me.

Let’s keep a few things in mind: Domestic Violence is my passion and I take it very seriously. It’s the number one reason women visit the ER and that’s a sad reality.

My passion is to take a stand and say No More Blows! I don’t believe in deception with Domestic Violence because a woman’s feelings are hurt either. Nor do I think it’s ok for women to take the blows because a man is doing what she wants.

The lesson I take away from the situation is don’t get mad when he cashes in on what you put on the table. She told him to use condoms if he felt tempted.

Tonight let’s pray for victims around the world. This is a global issue that must be stopped!

Hugs, love and peace to all:-)



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