Today I sit amazed at how God brings things to full circle. On January 25, 2013 I posted a blog titled “My Heart is Heavy.”
The post was about a murder in my city. A young lady and her friend were murdered by her ex-boyfriend. As I read the article in the newspaper it broke my heart.
This post is about the responsibility of women who have survived Domestic Violence or are currently trying to exit the relationship. Let’s cover a few of my ground rules:
First let me say as a survivor you have a right to protect anyone you date after leaving an abusive relationship. You have a right to be mature and responsible about how you handle the situation.
Look at it this way if you started dating a man with HIV or herpes you would feel he has a right to tell you right? That’s the same way he feels about your past that has the potential to effect him.
We owe any man we date or are friends with the right to make a choice to get involved with us. It’s time out for us keeping secrets putting innocent men in the middle of our war zones.
We can’t say we love our men yet set them up for failure. We can’t say we love them and continue to deceive them into thinking things are fine.
There comes a point you have to be honest with yourself about what you’ve been through. You have to realize he had NO idea about who you are and where you have been if something happens to him because he did not know.
Yes he may notice your walls but does he know why you have it in place? He may notice the fact he proves chivalry is not dead impresses you. He may notice you jump when he reaches to show you any type of affection. He may notice when you call and he doesn’t answer you get a little attitude. Does he know why?
Does he know you’re used to being called out of your name or maybe even punched? Does he know your last man has made several threats on your life and maybe a few attempts? Does he know you are usde to being cheated on? Does he know you’re scared to have an opinion?
I’m not saying tell him about ALL your failed relationships. I am saying he has the right to know that he may be in danger. Treat it like an STD how would you feel, if at your next check up your doctor tells you, you have HIV.
Why did I use HIV? With the lack of knowledge both have the potential to be deadly to the innocent one. Both have the potential to be life threating when NOT addressed in a mature way.
I’m sure some of you are thinking this will limit your potential to date. That’s not the case at all. The man God has for you will have enough love and respect for you to accept you, flaws and all. He will be strong enough to carry your banner of pain. And if you notice he isn’,t the choice is yours what you choose to do.
Some may read this and say I’m coming down on women. I’m woman as well. This is just an issue often NOT addressed. It’s starting to be a common thing where an innocent man is killed by a predator he wasn’t informed about. That’s not fair and it’s not right.
I’m just saying we have a right to honest and accepted for who we are. Keeping that secret from him is a form of deception. He deserves the truth and you deserve someone who is going to love you for you – failed relationships and all!
Please share your opinions about this blog. Lets make this open discussion. I want to hear from men and women. Tell me what you think!!!
In doing so remember we are all adults and have a right to our own opinion.
Love, peace and hugs to all