I was talking to my writing coach after an emotional week. I told her, “I refuse to abort the call God has placed on my life.” I’m not turning around or throwing in the towel. I have my good shoes on and I’m ready to step high.
I want to talk to the ladies who have made the choice to abort life. Your reasons are yours and I am not judging you. I too made the choice to abort life – two times. For years I carried tons of guilt and shame.
Last week there I heard a lot of debate about abortion and how we as women should have a choice. I agree with that 100%. But there is another side, what about the woman being forced to abort?
Where are the advocates for her?
If you’ve never been in the clinic it’s a very calm environment. The lady at the desk is nice and usually friendly. There is NO feeling of death any place in the clinic.
I’m not sure how the people really feel when they sit in the waiting room. If I could, I would be the person asking the tough questions to the woman.
I would want to know if this is really her choice or her partner’s.
Is she doing it for professional reasons or is this just her form of birth control?
Death takes a toll on your mind, body and soul.
I was much younger the first time I made the choice. I didn’t want to remember anything. I just knew if I kept the baby “we would both be dead,” according to my boyfriend at the time. I went with little to NO emotion to the clinic. I wasn’t happy but the smile was painted on. His mother rubbed my back and told me “it will be quick and painless.”
They make you watch a video and it did provide a little since of comfort becuase it explained your forthcoming procedure. It wasn’t until I realized they would suck the baby out of me that it hit me what I was doing. I felt like they called the embryo dirt on the floor.
The second time around I was older. I was fully aware of what was going on when I made the choice. I was active in the church I attended and was persuaded by my supervisor at the time to go through with it. She told me it wouldn’t be a good look to have “three children out of wedlock.”
I made my appointment, out of state. I wouldn’t dare do it in my home city. I didn’t ever want anyone who might walk in the doors of my job to know I would commit such an act.
I hit the road headed for the motor city of Detroit, MI. This clinic wasn’t as clean and put together as the one in Dayton, OH. It was in the heart of the ghetto right off of the famous 8 Mile.
This clinic smelled foul and I was nervous. I filled out my paper work. The date was September 19 I remember like it was yesterday. I gave her everything including my insurance card. (And I didn’t have any federal funded insurance).
I was in and out for my procedure. They ran this clinic like a factory. I felt no relief when the procedure or surgery as they called it, was over. The little recovery area even had a foul odor and I was ready to go home! I couldnt relax with the odor that foul odor in the atmosphere.
The baby was gone and I wasn’t worried about anyone from my job finding out. At least that’s what I thought. We hit the road back to the Gem City after 2 days. I lay across the back seat of my friend’s white Saturn Ion. My stomach ached with pains I’d never felt before.
She dropped me off at home with my son. I went to the bathroom to find blood clots just falling. I called my mother who called my cousin to rush me to the hospital. I called my doctor to explain he told me to put some of the clots in a bag before I went to the hospital. I did my best.
The hospital was less than 10 minutes away. When I first got to the hospital I felt some form of peace. I explained to the lady at the window what happened.
They rushed me right to the back. My cousin took my son. The nurse walked in the room my heart sunk. She was a member of the Credit Union where I worked! Now I was faced with lying or being honest. Then I thought, “if you want to live, tell the truth.”
Shame filled my face as I told her what brought me into the ER. That defeated my whole purpose of driving 3 hours to abort the baby in the first place.
Let me ask you a few questions:
1. Do women really have the right to choose? Or is the choice still being made for them?
2. If abortion wasn’t legal would this form of abuse continue to go on?
3. Where is the after care for (us) women forced to abort?
I understand medical reasons and even when the woman is raped. To the woman who feels justified because of rape let me ask you this question. What happens to the mother like me? My son was killed by my daughter’s father. Do I get rid of her now? Not at all. I thank God for her life and the strength to raise her.
Let’s ponder on this thought….. How many R.I.P. t-shirts would God have for all the abortions performed across the globe?
Yes, we have the right to choose, the right should start with birth control, a condom or the fact if a child is conceived I will do what I can to raise it in spite of my circumstances. If abortion wasn’t legal I would have NEVER been presented with the option to give God two babies and wear two R.I.P. t-shirts.
I’m not judging or condemning anyone. You are grown and abortion is legal. I just want us to be more responsible from the beginning.
With love this post is written.