Today after years of discouragement I NOW realize I was created for this! I can’t abort the calling God has placed on my life because of opinions of others! Today I realize the gossip, slander and backstabbing was needed for me to rise to the occasion.
Not in any way am I saying my journey has been easy. I am just saying it was necessary to fill the shoes God needs me to walk in. I had to experience hardship. I have to be a witness for God not for man. People always look at my smile never knowing my pain.
I’ve learned the hard way that NOT everyone is worthy of my testimony. God will always send the right people at the right time. Today I am stepping out of the box just a little bit to give you some of my background.
I want you to feel my passion – not so much be turned away by the grammatical errors of my posts.
Let me ask you a few questions. Do my gramnar mistakes mean God will not get the glory if the right people get the point??
Do my errors take away from the fact God is still sovereign?
If you’ve answered yes to either of those questions this blog is NOT the one for you! Not being mean , I’m just being honest.
Let me share what qualifies me to write like I do..
As little girl I was molested weekend after weekend by a young man my mother trusted to keep my sister and myself. I didn’t tell my mother until I was adult. She had been friends with his mother since she could remember and I didn’t want to ruin that. I also knew she couldn’t afford anyone else to keep us at the time.
At the tender age of 14 I became pregnant for the first of 5 times. My oldest is now 16 years old and the child on the road to being a generational curse breaker on her paternal side. Her father was the third generation of teen parents.
At 16 I was in my first form of an abusive relationship. I thought I was in love and we would be together forever. I got pregnant at the age of 17 he told if I had the baby we would both end up in a pine box. Pregnant for the second time before I turned 18 off to the abortion clinic I went. My mother clueless, his mother was my escort with his sister’s school id. At the age of 18 he made the first threat on my life.
Someone called my mother’s house years later, we are still unsure who it was. He went to his mother’s house to retrieve his handgun. He was coming back to my mother’s house to kill me. He thought I was cheating on him. The sad part is at this time he had cheated and made a baby. I didn’t find out about until a year later.
At the age of 19 my life was in the hands of God. I soon stood scared and on the other side of a shot gun while holding the hand if my young child. Scared terrified running for dear life down the street as neighbors looked on unsure of how to help me. I’ve never been so scared in my life. I really did feel like my life flashed before my eyes.
The police were called to my domestic dispute and it ended with a female cop being shot in the neck and paralyzed. She died two years later.
You know they say the guilty cry when someone dies!? I was waking into Family Video when my oldest cousin called to tell me the news. My knees felt weak, all I could do was turn around and walk to my car as tears rolled down my face.
I felt so bad for her. She was doing her job, but had I left the situation she might still be here. That was my feeling until I came to understand God has an appointed time for everything.
I did attend her funeral. I was the only young black lady in the place. I felt like everyone was staring at me as we passed the wine for communion.
The next time I was abused by a man I was 23-24 he would beat me every chance he got. Later to find out I wasn’t his only victim. Another young lady he use to date speaks openly of the way he abused her. He wasn’t just any man to her, he was the father of my son. Part of me felt I had to try to make this work. I was tired of trying when he beat me and ended up giving me mild concussion. After he beat me he went to work on a car like everything was fine. That was it for me. He was NO longer allowed in my house and I meant that.
I ended up getting pregnant for the fourth time. No, he wasn’t the father if the new baby. I went to my supervisor to tell her I was pregnant. She wasn’t understanding of my situation at all. She was married to the father of her children. She advised me aborting the baby would be best. I had worked at this Credit Union for 6 years. We arranged the time off and I went to have the abortion performed only to become pregnant yet again.
He we go the 5th pregnancy. I didn’t tell my supervisor this time. I didn’t want to hear her tell me how “bad his would look to the board members” as she so nicely put it before. I kept it to myself told a few co workers and it got back to her. We had a BIG blow up in front of the entire staff. No one knew why I didn’t want her to know. We were the only two who knew why there was so much anger and tension on this subject.
The birth of this child would turn my world upside down. I was soon about to face the biggest trial of life. 11 months after giving birth to a premature little girl her father made the choice to play God and take my son’s life – the hardest thing I would face.
Who really wants to plan a funeral for their child a week before their birthday? I was going to turn 26 in one week. A birthday gift unlike any other.
That’s all I wish to share right now. I gave mini pieces of the events in my life. I want your focus to be my passion instead of me using the right tools all the time. Focus on the deliverance that can take place. People don’t really care about all the Bible we quote. They want to hear how do know God is that good? How do you know He will take the pain away?
Well my life is living proof that God is more than able to heal those willing to let Him.
Today if you don’t remember anything else remember God is faithful and just. Standing in His promise will get you places your flesh can never get you!