Getting Rid of Greed

The lifestyles of the Rich and Famous seem to be more popular than the Saved and the Humble. We all desire the nice things in life BUT at what cost? What price are you willing to pay to run with the Rich and Famous? What hidden danger are you willing to face to stay in designer clothes and drive the best? I wanted this lifestyle so bad I almost paid with my life. Death was minutes away from me. All because I wanted to look nice and drive nice. I was doing both at a nice cost. Cost me sex when he wanted, sleepless nights, some name calling, some threats and some friends. One I still miss, she was the best. Spent little time around my mother she had this unbelievable radar. She could pick up on any and everything. I did drop my daughter off to her every weekend though. I would never deny her that right. I was young and felt like I had forever to live, feeling like we would be together forever. I felt like money was falling from the sky at times. I didn’t have to pay a bill he took care of all of that. In my young silly mind the ultimate provider. I had money in the bank, put some in CDS, and had some stacked at home. I was 18 fresh out of High School all smiles for a little while. I could shop when I wanted full of poison on the inside. Hood rich and miserable feeling like death was always at the door. When I wasn’t home in time the threats would start coming. When he walked in the door if he demanded sex, I was at his leisure. After all the money was really his. Was the relationship always this way? Not at all. It didn’t get this way until he had a major disappointment in his life. He failed a drug test while working at Lord Corporation. He made good money and couldn’t find a job making that kind of money. He was introduced to the hustle life and thats how it started. The money, drugs and women all come with that lifestyle. He wasn’t bad looking so lady problems not new at all. The incentive to stay was a little better. Am I saying I only stayed for the money? Not the case at all. First I felt like this was a temporary thing. He want raised this way, his mother worked hard to provide. I stayed for two reasons; first because I felt like I deserved the lifestyle, second death was the only way lout. I didn’t feel I could walk away. When things got real rough I would call a friend and sleep on her white over sized chair. I would go to the payphone and call her. If she was in she would come get me, if not I would leave a message. The message was short and sweet,”if anything happens to me he did it.” Right to the point no need to beat around the bush. I did get tired of this lifestyle just didn’t have a safe way to walk away. He would always tell me,”if he couldn’t have me NO one could.” A promise I knew he would make good on. My senior year of High School he was ready to prove that. We were over my mothers house the phone rings, it was some guy asking for me. Still unsure who it was or what he wanted. In his mind he felt like I was cheating. I, moved out months ago and some random guy is calling. I tried to talk about it. He gets in his car speeds off to his mothers house. Hours later I get a call he is now on the 4th floor at Good Samaritan Hospital. Thats the mental ward. His mother had to call the police, he went to get his gun to come kill me. In his mind the call was really someone I was cheating with. The sad part is I never ever cheated, this was all something he made up in his mind. He stayed on the fourth floor for 3 days calling still accusing me saying it was all my fault. In my head feeling guilty and shame I started to believe it was all my fault he went to retrieve the gun. Finally in his mind, he came to the conclusion it was nothing I did. Making promises this situation would never happen again. I did ask why,” he said he love me too much too much to ever cause real harm.” Like most I believed he was ready for change. Not really the case at all. The money started coming faster and not only was he smoking weed he added Xanax to his daily routine. Not a good combination of drugs at all making him more like a zombie as the days when on. Feeling stuck and hopefully crying at night calling out to friends. We went on for a few more months. The post titled Fetal Position is how it all ends. I don’t share my story for sympathy. I share for 2 reasons 1 so you don’t judge those in the situation, 2 so you will not make the same mistakes I made. I don’t speak proudly or to boost just from my humble heart. Ladies most importantly remember love does not hurt love is kind. Below are the verses I feel necessary to share. Realizing all you need is Gods light to let you shine. Hebrews 13:5 AMP Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] Sincerely yours, Special K!

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