Even That Sin…

Blogets, how are you?  I am doing well, had a few distractions today but here we are.

Often some people take my honesty the wrong way. I only blog so other women don’t make the same mistakes I made. And if we have walked in some of the same shows, I want you to see it can get better.

Today we will talk about ABORTION. Yes, I am a CHRISTIAN who will discuss a taboo topic for some. This topic has been at the top of the Presidential Debate to. Again I can only share what I have experienced has a woman.

Well if you’ve read previous post you already know I had an abortion when I was seventeen. Please read Fetal Position to read the full story.

Please brace yourself for the post as some parts will be more emotional than others. I am NOT proud of some of the choices I’ve made. I want you to learn from my life.

I was 23 years old doing pretty good working in Corporate America at a local Credit Union. I started of as a part -time teller quickly moving up the ranks. I was 24, a single mother of two and only had a high school diploma already beating the statistics. I thought I was doing pretty good salary and bonuses made the earning potential between $32,000.00-36,000.00 a year I considered that pretty good money.

I ended up pregnant AGAIN my supervisor felt like I was a plague to the company. I did what a responsible adult would do, informed her soon as I found out. She was very judgmental in some areas. She was like the at work mother and voiced her opinion at all times.

She quickly shared with me having another child  wouldn’t be a good look on me. Her main reason was because I wasn’t married and my son was NOT even 2 yet. She said, “the board members would frown on me.

At this point all I can think is keep the baby lose the job, kill the baby keep the job. Torn between what to do. Feeling a lot of different ways she was a faithful member of her church encouraging me to get rid of the life in me.

I went to talk to my mother, she was my other mind. As I stated in a previous that was my downfall in life. She didn’t have much to say, she was supportive either way. I spent the next week in limbo.

I made up in my mind I was going to abort the baby. I had major descions to make. I didn’t want to run into anyone who MIGHT come in the Credit Union. I made the choice to drive to Detroit to have the procedure done.

I figured there was NO way I would run into anyone who comes into the Credit Union. And Anthem was going to pay for it there. I made the arrangements to take off work to have the procedure done and a little recovery time. My Best Friend drove me to Detroit, we stayed at her friends house. We had a mutual friend who lived in Detroit. She found the clinic and made my appointment.  It was September 18, 2004, we headed up interstate 75.

We arrived in Detroit, the two of us and my son. My mother agreed to take care of my oldest daughter. We lounged around very relaxing day. We spent some time with our friend who lived in Detroit and her children. Grabbed a bite to eat then it was time for me to rest. I needed it my mind was on overload filled with a million thoughts.

Morning comes and I still don’t have any peace about this situation, I still get up get me and my son ready. My friend from Dayton went with me, while my friend from Detroit kept my son. It was time to head to the clinic in the rough area of Detroit off 8 Mile. The building looked old and run down more like something from a movie scene.

We go in this place is packed like they had a special going on. The only peace I had was I wasn’t worried about anyone from my job seeing me. Our total time at the clinic was maybe two hours. That included wait time, paperwork, the video and finally the procedure.

The day went on my mind was racing going like it operated off batteries. I felt like crap my son was fussy. It was almost like he knew what I did. I was instructed to stay for 3 days. We relaxed the rest of the day, they took good care of me. I didn’t have much of an appetite but I had to eat because of the medicine they put me on. I still needed to be in a familiar environment.

I gave it two days and I was ready to get back home. I wanted my mother. We hit the highway, my friend was upset she was spending time with her man friend. I put my son in the back and sat in the back holding my stomach as it cramped. We didn’t say much to each other the whole ride back, and didn’t say much as I gathered my stuff to get it out of her car.

I was home for maybe 30 minutes before I called my mother as blood clots feel from my vagina. I was scared, panicked and nervous all at once. It’s just me and my son all alone. I called my doctor he told me to catch them and place them inside a baggie. I did just that. My mom calls my was cousin to drive me to the hospital. She did just that. This is where it goes all bad.

I get to the hospital they rush me right back after I tell them what’s going on. All I see is a tall shadow, heart dropped as I slowly look up. The nurse in the ER is a member of the Credit Union. I was torn do I tell the truth or stretch it out. I had to be honest to ensure proper treatment.

Feeling like a fool, embarrassed and in pain I wanted the pain to go away. They ran plenty of test to find out the NOT so clean clinic didn’t do the procedure right. They left some of the embryo inside of me. They did an emergency D&C on me. Getting rid of what was inside of me.

I went home the same day after they made sure I was clear. Clear case of you can run down BUT you can’t hide. I drove 3 hours to avoid seeing someone who visits my job. Only to see one of the most gossiping women to visit mg job. One thing I can say she NEVER treated me any different.

Let me share two things with you I ended up pregnant again and eventually I lost the job.

I shared that piece of my life with you because ABORTION is a form of birth control for some. I am pretty confident ABORTION was NOT in GODS will.

Tonight some woman is either thinking about aborting or dealing with the guilt of abortion. Let me speak to the lady dealing with guilt first ; there is NOTHING you can do to bring the baby back. Forgive yourself, repent and ask GOD to forgive you.

To the lady thinking about aborting,  I want to strongly suggest you do NOT do it. Abortion does take a mental toll on you. I almost allowed the guilt to eat me alive. God wants life for the baby. If you’re NOT married the act is the sin NOT the baby. People are going to talk either way shrugs let them talk. Praying for all women dealing with this issue tonight.

Let me leave some scripture with you ;

Jeremiah 33:8 AMP

And I will cleanse them from all the guilt  and  iniquity by which they have sinned against Me, and I will forgive all their guilt  and  iniquities by which they have sinned and
rebelled against Me.

God has cleansed me from all guilt and shame. He has healed me from.this awful experience. This is by NO means a post to encourage you to abort. After all didn’t you read what happened to me? Once knowledge is deposited GOD holds you accountable for what you know.

Sincerely,

Special K.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s